He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's never too late to be topless.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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