Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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