So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
