It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
