You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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