I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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