i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
