420 ftw
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You're like the curious george of whores
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
