At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
