I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
