I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
