I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
