Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
