oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
