I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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