I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
