yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
