He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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