I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
