she smelled like a LAN party
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
