you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We are two peas in an std pod
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
