You're so nebulous sometimes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
