Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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