u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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