I just cut my nipple shaving
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
