no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
