i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
