Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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