Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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