Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
