Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
