if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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