I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
