You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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