Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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