You work out of a Hotel?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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