3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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