if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
