My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
