Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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