WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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