Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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