In the future we'll all be gay
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have already put on my inside pants.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
