Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
