I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
