I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
