He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
