Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
