I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
