He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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