Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
