I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize