am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
