just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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