Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I supernannyed him into submission
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
