I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize