we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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