Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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