he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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