My friends, they love my intelligence
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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