I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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