I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
