She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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