I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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