He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
