okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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