So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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