Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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