please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
