Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
