Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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