Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
