i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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